All good things must come to an end

As most of you (yes, all 2 of you) know by now, nothing good that ever happens to me ever lasts longer than a day or so.  Of course, that still holds true today.  If you read yesterday’s post, you’d know that last night I put a $400 deposit down in the hopes that I would be approved for financing for a 2009 Mitsubishi Lancer GT.  This morning I was informed by the finance manager at Mitsubishi that the terms of our financing deal were “unacceptable” and that I needed to come up with $5,000 for this deal to work.

As you can imagine, after I finished asking him why the fuck he thought I was capable of pulling $5,000 out of thin air when mere hours previous I told him that my pulling-money-out-of-thin-air hat was at the cleaners.  God fucking dammit, do I ever hate car salesmen.  They are the slimiest bunch of jerkoffs this side of Commissionaires.  And if you know me, you’ll know my undying hatred of Commissionaires cannot be topped.

At this point, I was feeling a bit pissed off.  In fact, you could even say that I was homocidal.  With that in mind, I decided I’d take one last shot at buying a new car before I would push my car off a cliff and say that the Ogopogo ate it.

I walked into the Hyundai dealership with my cheeks a-spread and the lube in hand, waiting for the local salesman to bend me over the nearest table and make me call him (….or her) “daddy.”  It wasn’t until I had been browsing for a few minutes that I realized that there hadn’t been any salesmen trolling for a bite, which actually surprised me more than anything.  This whole letting me approach someone instantly put them on my “I don’t want to kill you just yet” list.

So I finally approach Voitek (I think that’s how it’s spelled) and tell him that I’m a current Hyundai Tiburon owner and am considering upgrading to the latest model (pictured at the top of this article).  We talk for a minute or so about what I like about the car and so on, and so I decide to take a test drive.  At this point, I was expecting “the pitch.”  One thing I never understood about car salesmen is when you say you like a certain car and then they try and upsell it to you, as if you just told them that your family was killed in a 9 car that-car pileup and that you never wanted to see it again.

So we hop in the car, I’m expecting the dude to start telling me how this is so great and that feature is rated #1 in its class…. blah blah blah…. Nothing… The guy is damn near silent.  If I couldn’t see him out of my peripheral vision, I would have assumed that I was alone in the car.

So now I’m getting nervous.  I’ve had no sales-idiots looking at me like I’m their next lunch and I’ve got no sales pitch in one ear while I tune out with the other.  I’m not sure whether they’re genuinely being nice, or if they’re just going to backdoor me and force me into the bondage dungeon later.

Either way, we continue and I decide to proceed with starting the paperwork.  But I’m not nervous at all.  Now I’m getting nervous.  I’m nervous because I’m not nervous.  The fact that the experience is so different to every other car purchasing journey I’ve ever embarked on is unsettling, because I’m just waiting for the punchline – the point in the process when they put their fist in my throat and watch me slowly choke on it.

So we go through the options for financing, and I’m introduced to the business manager, Linda.  From the moment I sat in the chair expecting to be treated like a commission check and nothing more, I was treated amazingly.  And not like the schmoozingly fake BS that other places expect you to fall for in a second, no she was actually a really nice person; hell, she was actually pretty cute too.  If I thought I had an outside chance with her after she saw my financial situation, I’d have asked her out for coffee.

Anyways, we spent about an hour talking about both the car and personal stuff.  We were joking in between questions and I really felt comfortable the whole time.  Of course the comfort just created un-comfort because I just couldn’t grasp the concept that a dealership might actually want their customer to be happy.  (For those of you reading this thinking “Justin, you’re smart enough to know that they’re just doing this so you’ll give them your money” but to that I’d respond that I’m willing to give A dealership my money, I don’t care which one inevitably gets it, I just want a new car.  If you’re gonna treat me with respect, I’m going to give you my money.)

So it’s now 9:10pm Tuesday night, I’ve left them a deposit and am waiting for the mom-ster to contact them in the morning to setup the co-sign piece of the financing deal and then, God willing, I will have a brand new car by Friday evening.

Needless to say, after the numerous attempts I’ve made at buying a car and all the disappointment I’ve dealt with, I’m not getting too excited.  I am however going to stay positive that buy the end of the week, my current set of wheels is going to get a teeny tiny upgrade.

Cross your fingers for me!